A random thought

Dad is here and I'm miserable ... he wants low fat yogurt ... he wants a new wash cloth ... he wants me to read a Christian daily devotional book or whatever... I want him to leave, NOW!!!

Back...

I know, I know, Hello stranger! I feel like I haven't blogged in a year.

I've been away but not completely absent, I stop by once in a while to read blogs because that has become some sort of a pastime for me but I suppose I've been suffering from a serious case of bloggers block?

crap/thoughts last couple weeks...

Came out of the gym one sunny morning and discovered someone had put a fist-sized hole in my rear wind shield. Now I have no enemies that I'm aware of and I ain't nobodys baby daddy so WTF?! I thought about reporting it to the police but I simply couldn't imagine how I'd be met with anything but an "oh dear...tough luck" retort. By the way I checked with the gym, they don't have security cameras so that made the already hopeless situation even more so.


Hemorrhoids are painful...


moving on


Oh hell! How in the world does a 22 year old get hemorrhoids??! I thought it was strictly a geriatric disease or... condition? Good thing the pain only lasted a week because....do you know how many times you clench your butt crack? Did you know sometimes you clench it for absolutely no reason whatsoever? I mean you could just be readjusting your ass in your chair and *clench*. Well now I know. Everytime I stood up, sat down, squated or felt a chill, it hurt like a b!tch. But that was nothing compared to stretching my sphincter for one of those dry dumps that takes forever to crawl out of your ass (as my bad luck would have it, thats the only kind I got through this ordeal). I'm sorry if I grossed you...I've almost completely recovered thanks to warm "spitz" baths which involves sitting in a bucket of warm water... its quite relaxing, infact I highly recommend it for irritable assholes.


I hate Harry Potter and I'm glad the final book has been written and I won't have to run into any more wizards at the Barnes and Noble bookstore. Just out of curiosity I took a peek at the last page of the book and found that the annoying little troll brat bastard alien looking bespectacled imp wizard boy genius with a heart of gold made it through and wasn't squished or impaled on a cross like I'd fantasized. This only means that before I die, I'll have to live through another onslaught of potter-mania UGH!


on why I hate Harry - hmm...funny thing is I loved the lord of the rings which I suppose falls into the same genre but there is...its just... It's the kids! Thats just it. if you're going to throw me into a whimsical fantasy *and plain ridiculous* land with witches and trolls and talking pictures and all that king of darkness bull-crap, you've absolutely got to make the story a lot more serious?...I mean, a lot more has to be at stake. And then as if to rub the silliness into my face, we've got three teenagers saving the day?? I opted to pass on this tripe! *no offense to the potter fans but I mean, come on*


I cleaned out my hard drive...well ok, only half of it and considering my seemingly perpetual state of sexual frustration, that means half of the best collection of pornographic scenes ever captured on film are gone, G-O-N-E, GONE! It had to be done. As crazy as this may seem, I occasionally need to store more "important" text files and pictures of clothed relatives and, you know, non sexually arousing aka relatively boring stuff like that. *the reference to clothed relatives in no way implies I'd rather see them naked...I'll gouge my eyes out first*


My dad is coming to visit and I'm a nervous wreck. This man has my mind in a choke hold. I swear it, I got my car washed, wax, serviced, vacuumed, got tires replaced and even cleaned out nooks I didn't know existed *how long do french fries last before they turn green?* . After all that, would you believe I gave it a once over and considered, if only very briefly, getting a new car on money I honestly don't have? This week, I'm cleaning out my place and I suppose I'll finally get around to making my bed because thats where the old man will be laying his head...maybe I'll end up replacing that bed altogether. You know, for a gay man, I am seriously NOT "representing".


A very "chesty" man at the gym made me realize, if I was heterosexual, I'd be totally a chest man or is it boobie man?

Taking a bull by the horns.

What's worse than taking an un-lubed 10 incher up your butt?

....

Made you shift a little in you seat didn't it?

mmhmm....

My dad called yesterday and asked if I'd read "A Purpose Driven Life". Before I could respond he said he'd be willing to send it all the way from Nigeria if I hadn't. Word must've spread that I'm embracing American hedonism. Hmm..I wonder who snitched on me...

I actually own the book. It was given to me a couple of years ago by a very special person when I was going through an emotionally rough patch. I think I read a few chapters, I can't really remember. I guess it didn't make much of an impression on me or my circumstance. It's a christian book and like most christian books, it describes the life one ought to have and offers a 10 step program (in this case, an incredible 40! *sigh*) to getting it.

I have nothing against christian books.. really, I don't. They served their purpose for most christians who happen to be heterosexual but I am yet to find one that blends the sodomite in me with the promises of heaven without trying to eliminate the sodomite part.

The general christian concensus is that at some point in my life I got into homosexuality by accident (or choice) and got hooked on it like a crack-head to crack and its just a matter of effort on my part mixed in with "the grace of Jesus" and a hint of "annointing by the holy spirit" and poof, I'll be whole and "normal" again. How have they come by all this you might ask?? Well naturally, by the kind of reasoning that completely shuns the individual for a belief in some higher ideal that has never been since forever!

I wrestled for the longest time with my faith, trying to seek a cure for something that was as natural to me as the color of my hair but all I found in the bible was not a cure or compassion for my sufferings, but consequences, dire ones. Can you imagine if an omnipotent power says to you, you'll burn in hell because you are naturally left handed. How in the world can you change that?? Even if you decided to learn to use you right hand, it doesn't change the fact that your natural preference is your left. Can anyone say that "normal" or "natural" means being right handed when there are obviously left handed people all over the place. How does that make any sense?

It exasperates me!

And now the old man wants to gear me into leading a "purpose driven life". Driven to where exactly??? Surely not heaven...and certainly not happiness because that would mean embrassing my "sinful" self which is a big Christian no no and...well, we know how God is with his smiting hand.

Bad as this might seem, it isn't the worst of it. The real tragedy is I cannot just deny being christian. I can't tell myself that God does not exist and believe me, I have tried so many times with so many arguments and come to no conclusion at all...or rather, none that I can throughly convince myself with. God loves you...minus that part of you, makes no sense to me at all and yet it resonates so strongly with such painful conviction within me!

I am resigned to living in awe and wonder and worry...let those who believe without doubt,
things they have absolutely no comprehension of, continue. I on the other hand, cannot understand this being called God.

PS "Gay Christian"...oxymoron?

You don't know what you got til...it opens it's mouth!

Have you ever bumped into someone so fine, so alluring, so utterly do-able that they had the power to throw off your breathing?

I have!

Every Monday, Wenesday and Friday between 11:15am and 1:30pm at the gym.
I don't actually get to "bump" into him
I'd have to be real close to do that
Real, REAL close to bump INTO him
Get it?
BUMP...INTO...HIM??
oh lord, I crack me up :)
Well I'll probably never be that close
So instead I observe him, out of the corner of my eye
between reps because afterall, that's why I'm at the gym
for my reps...not his pecs.

My favorite exercise??
SQUATS.

He squats, I watch and we both enjoy...I think.
Squats are supposed to isolate the glutes and pump them plump
It works, trust me!
I don't squat. I tried it once, it left my ass sizzling for 3 days...
painful enough for me to contemplate doing #2 on my feet. YEESH!!

On friday, I was on the leg extension machine when hubba hubba hubba *drool* walks in.

I'm not sure he's down with the dudes in quite the same way I am.
If he isn't, I'm pretty sure he could take me, in 2 seconds flat!
So I try not to notice him.
So I fail at trying not to notice him.

After he's done with his pre workout stretching on the mat (and being my regular horny self, I walked up to that mat and stretched him reeeeal good ... in my head of course! )
He begins walking in my direction and I could sense it
I fail in the middle of my rep because i'm suddenly out of breath
I look, subtly, a little away from him just to know if he's branched off elsewhere
He's still walking towards me and this time I'm certain he's coming for me
I try to find something to do...
crank out another another 10 reps, DUH!!
I manage 2 and fail again, out of breath.
He stops right infront of me and I'm still fighting everything in me not to notice this.

He says..
"Hi, Can I work in with you?"
...in the most quiet, most sissified tone I've ever heard from a post-pubescent human being.

I let him use it.
and I unabashedly watch him
and my breathing stabilizes.
He lost me at "Hi" :_(

Now don't get me wrong, he still has me raising lumber in my pants
and I'd take him in a second,
but I'd have to gag him first...
thats not so bad is it?
Actually, that could be the start of a whole new fantasy.

Fill-ant

I've been tagged.
To Greg, I'm honored!
Now it took me longer than I thought to list 8 random things about myself. I've been around for 22 years. My history and idiosyncrasies bore even me...but if you're asking Greg, you shall receive because you're cool like that.

1. I'm a tennis fanatic. I play and I watch...(definetely watch better than I play). I get a kick out of telling people that I'm really into Golf. Truth is I am only interested when Tiger Woods is playing.

2. I'm pretty bad at returning phone calls. My sister called me over a week ago and I still haven't returned her call.

3. I don't dream...not even wet dreams.

4. I don't want to believe in God, but I can't help myself.

5. Since my mother died, I've been strangely susceptible to emotional breakdowns at funerals thus, I try to avoid them altogether.

6. I find 90% of the people I see everyday as totally do-able! I'm that damn horny!

7. When I was about 12, my parents came across a box of new underwear under my pillow while I was away at school. I'd been masturbating to the scantily clad male model on the front cover the night before. They told me they found it in a very wierd, very unassuming way, like they were talking about the weather or an old friend. Someone once said "never underestimate the power of denial". That statement has become evidently true since my parents never mentioned or implied anything from it to this day.

8. I found out a couple of months ago that my sister, who I'd assumed was my blood sister for nearly 22 years was infact my step sister and I found out completely by accident. Everyone in my family knew except me and they still don't know that I am now aware of this. Me and dear old dad will be have a long talk very soon.

LATE ADDITION: I ABSOLUTELY LOVE SADE! If I ever have children (and thats a big 'IF'), may they be conceived to "Smooth Operator". Amen!

I believe I now have to tag other so..with sadistic pleasure, I hereby declare the following bloggers, TAGGED!

Black girl in prague
Mr. Jaja
NaijaDude
Mamarita

The Rules:
List 8 things about yourself. At the end of the post, tag and link to 8 other people. Leave a comment at those sites, letting them know they’ve been tagged, and asking them to come read the post so they know what to do

:.-)

I'm having a bad day..

I have a zit the size of kilimanjaro on my left cheek.

No not that cheek you perv, the one on my face!

I can see it when I look down...

oh blasted pimple, why doth thou torment me so!

I skip washing my face for one blasted day and pay the ultimate price.

And worst of it all, I recall the exact moment when I chose sleep over a neutrogena face scrubbing.

Never again!

love,

Me and Zitty