Friday, August 10, 2007
A random thought
Dad is here and I'm miserable ... he wants low fat yogurt ... he wants a new wash cloth ... he wants me to read a Christian daily devotional book or whatever... I want him to leave, NOW!!!
Monday, August 6, 2007
Back...
I know, I know, Hello stranger! I feel like I haven't blogged in a year.
I've been away but not completely absent, I stop by once in a while to read blogs because that has become some sort of a pastime for me but I suppose I've been suffering from a serious case of bloggers block?
crap/thoughts last couple weeks...
Came out of the gym one sunny morning and discovered someone had put a fist-sized hole in my rear wind shield. Now I have no enemies that I'm aware of and I ain't nobodys baby daddy so WTF?! I thought about reporting it to the police but I simply couldn't imagine how I'd be met with anything but an "oh dear...tough luck" retort. By the way I checked with the gym, they don't have security cameras so that made the already hopeless situation even more so.
Hemorrhoids are painful...
moving on
Oh hell! How in the world does a 22 year old get hemorrhoids??! I thought it was strictly a geriatric disease or... condition? Good thing the pain only lasted a week because....do you know how many times you clench your butt crack? Did you know sometimes you clench it for absolutely no reason whatsoever? I mean you could just be readjusting your ass in your chair and *clench*. Well now I know. Everytime I stood up, sat down, squated or felt a chill, it hurt like a b!tch. But that was nothing compared to stretching my sphincter for one of those dry dumps that takes forever to crawl out of your ass (as my bad luck would have it, thats the only kind I got through this ordeal). I'm sorry if I grossed you...I've almost completely recovered thanks to warm "spitz" baths which involves sitting in a bucket of warm water... its quite relaxing, infact I highly recommend it for irritable assholes.
I hate Harry Potter and I'm glad the final book has been written and I won't have to run into any more wizards at the Barnes and Noble bookstore. Just out of curiosity I took a peek at the last page of the book and found that the annoying littletroll brat bastard alien looking bespectacled imp wizard boy genius with a heart of gold made it through and wasn't squished or impaled on a cross like I'd fantasized. This only means that before I die, I'll have to live through another onslaught of potter-mania UGH!
on why I hate Harry - hmm...funny thing is I loved the lord of the rings which I suppose falls into the same genre but there is...its just... It's the kids! Thats just it. if you're going to throw me into a whimsical fantasy *and plain ridiculous* land with witches and trolls and talking pictures and all that king of darkness bull-crap, you've absolutely got to make the story a lot more serious?...I mean, a lot more has to be at stake. And then as if to rub the silliness into my face, we've got three teenagers saving the day?? I opted to pass on this tripe! *no offense to the potter fans but I mean, come on*
I cleaned out my hard drive...well ok, only half of it and considering my seemingly perpetual state of sexual frustration, that means half of the best collection of pornographic scenes ever captured on film are gone, G-O-N-E, GONE! It had to be done. As crazy as this may seem, I occasionally need to store more "important" text files and pictures of clothed relatives and, you know, non sexually arousing aka relatively boring stuff like that. *the reference to clothed relatives in no way implies I'd rather see them naked...I'll gouge my eyes out first*
My dad is coming to visit and I'm a nervous wreck. This man has my mind in a choke hold. I swear it, I got my car washed, wax, serviced, vacuumed, got tires replaced and even cleaned out nooks I didn't know existed *how long do french fries last before they turn green?* . After all that, would you believe I gave it a once over and considered, if only very briefly, getting a new car on money I honestly don't have? This week, I'm cleaning out my place and I suppose I'll finally get around to making my bed because thats where the old man will be laying his head...maybe I'll end up replacing that bed altogether. You know, for a gay man, I am seriously NOT "representing".
A very "chesty" man at the gym made me realize, if I was heterosexual, I'd be totally a chest man or is it boobie man?
I've been away but not completely absent, I stop by once in a while to read blogs because that has become some sort of a pastime for me but I suppose I've been suffering from a serious case of bloggers block?
crap/thoughts last couple weeks...
Came out of the gym one sunny morning and discovered someone had put a fist-sized hole in my rear wind shield. Now I have no enemies that I'm aware of and I ain't nobodys baby daddy so WTF?! I thought about reporting it to the police but I simply couldn't imagine how I'd be met with anything but an "oh dear...tough luck" retort. By the way I checked with the gym, they don't have security cameras so that made the already hopeless situation even more so.
Hemorrhoids are painful...
moving on
Oh hell! How in the world does a 22 year old get hemorrhoids??! I thought it was strictly a geriatric disease or... condition? Good thing the pain only lasted a week because....do you know how many times you clench your butt crack? Did you know sometimes you clench it for absolutely no reason whatsoever? I mean you could just be readjusting your ass in your chair and *clench*. Well now I know. Everytime I stood up, sat down, squated or felt a chill, it hurt like a b!tch. But that was nothing compared to stretching my sphincter for one of those dry dumps that takes forever to crawl out of your ass (as my bad luck would have it, thats the only kind I got through this ordeal). I'm sorry if I grossed you...I've almost completely recovered thanks to warm "spitz" baths which involves sitting in a bucket of warm water... its quite relaxing, infact I highly recommend it for irritable assholes.
I hate Harry Potter and I'm glad the final book has been written and I won't have to run into any more wizards at the Barnes and Noble bookstore. Just out of curiosity I took a peek at the last page of the book and found that the annoying little
on why I hate Harry - hmm...funny thing is I loved the lord of the rings which I suppose falls into the same genre but there is...its just... It's the kids! Thats just it. if you're going to throw me into a whimsical fantasy *and plain ridiculous* land with witches and trolls and talking pictures and all that king of darkness bull-crap, you've absolutely got to make the story a lot more serious?...I mean, a lot more has to be at stake. And then as if to rub the silliness into my face, we've got three teenagers saving the day?? I opted to pass on this tripe! *no offense to the potter fans but I mean, come on*
I cleaned out my hard drive...well ok, only half of it and considering my seemingly perpetual state of sexual frustration, that means half of the best collection of pornographic scenes ever captured on film are gone, G-O-N-E, GONE! It had to be done. As crazy as this may seem, I occasionally need to store more "important" text files and pictures of clothed relatives and, you know, non sexually arousing aka relatively boring stuff like that. *the reference to clothed relatives in no way implies I'd rather see them naked...I'll gouge my eyes out first*
My dad is coming to visit and I'm a nervous wreck. This man has my mind in a choke hold. I swear it, I got my car washed, wax, serviced, vacuumed, got tires replaced and even cleaned out nooks I didn't know existed *how long do french fries last before they turn green?* . After all that, would you believe I gave it a once over and considered, if only very briefly, getting a new car on money I honestly don't have? This week, I'm cleaning out my place and I suppose I'll finally get around to making my bed because thats where the old man will be laying his head...maybe I'll end up replacing that bed altogether. You know, for a gay man, I am seriously NOT "representing".
A very "chesty" man at the gym made me realize, if I was heterosexual, I'd be totally a chest man or is it boobie man?
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