Maybe I'm right, maybe you're right...who's to say?

Last week my uncle sat me down and asked why I'd stopped going to church, only the second time we'd had this conversation. I just sat there and stared back at him ... sort of looking through him really, I had no answer I could share with him and I was also well aware of what questions like this meant. they may seem well intended but I know from experience that it isn't really asked to find out anything about you, its a precursor to a lecture on how you ought to be thinking. Whatever reasons I give are going to be shut down and dismissed and I'll end up feeling like I'm not being responsible with my life, or I'm certainly not thinking about life in the highly cerebral way only real church-going christians do.

So faced with that sort of dead-end situation, I said I really had no reason for not going and mumbled some BS about school work and the hardships of living in America (*yea in my head, i was rolling my eyes too*) then I sat back and listened or at least I tried to. Sure enough he didn't feel the need to probe any further, he just went right into how I ought to take my spiritual life seriously (where he got the idea that I had one is beyond me but I guess its an easier lecture if this is assumed), fellowship streghtens faith, God loves you and all that good spiritual stuff thats supposed to bring me to tears and make me understand how totally foolish i've been. Then he asked if I had any questions and I gladly said no hoping (but knowing better) that the bell had rung and lecture was over...nope...more "God understands everything you're going through..." and I slowly start to focus my attention on the whitish spec right next to his right eye, a pimple? a crumb? shit...does my uncle use white powder? WTF is that speck, should I tell him about it? Then deciding its probably not a good idea to interrupt his sermon for a spec of white whatever, I go back to listening and discover he's about done...sort of giving a summary of all he'd just said.

He pauses, looks at me like i'm some puppy about to be put down and sighs...I sit there thinking, maybe I am a lost cause, maybe I don't know what the hell i'm doing with my life, maybe there is a God up in heaven, eyes brimming with pity, looking at me like my uncle is right now, maybe, maybe, maybe...but what makes my uncle so sure of himself? Aren't we both just as clueless about life as the priest on his pulpit or the president or even dare I say, Oprah? Don't we all start at one point in life and move relentlessly in one direction to an end? Has there been anyone who has lived in reverse, starting from death and ending in birth? So what can he tell me about my future when he is just as clueless about his as I am about mine? So I don't go to church and he does, what about it? He might say God is an entity out there far far away, I might say, he's here on earth. Who's to say he's right and I'm wrong or vice versa. If i chose to live my life in one way out of the infinite number of ways available to me, how can he convince me, with any kind of integrity that I am wrong and he is right?

WHAT MAKES HIM SO F*ING SURE!

Happy Birthday to me :)

"Walls in my closet ch.21" is moving on to ch. 22 today. Yup! It's my birthday and I feel lucky to be alive and sane. Wish me more luck.

I'm older, I'm broke, I may even be pathological...but i'm here!

Through with finals and school for this semester...the semester sucked like all the others and I'm glad its all over! Nothing much going on except hopefully, I'll be getting a computer of my own soon (yay!). That way I can update this blog from home rather than from work...all this money saved just for one computer. Somehow I feel as though I'm on the losing end of a bargain, one computer for over a $1000 just doesn't seem fair! Don't you hate letting go of hard earned money even for things you know you need? Seems as though nothing can ever been cheap enough and PS, the only discounts that mean anything to me are free giveaways...

I was reading another website and ran across some amazingly dumb and yet oddly entertaining questions which cracked me up so much I thought I'd write them down.. (If anyone can answer these questions please go right ahead, I just laughed).

Q1. Can sour cream go bad? If so, how can you tell? Please answer soon, because I have an unopened container in the back of my refrigerator with an expiration date of April 1996.

Q2. When I am walking my dog - considering he has twice as many legs as I do - is he getting as much excercise as I am or half as much?

Q3. When you pick something up so your hands are full, why does your nose or someplace else on your face start to itch?

Q4. Do fish ever sneeze?

Q5. If the earth were to stop revolving, what would happen to Silas, the 200-pound man standing on my lawn? How far would he slide?

Q6. Don't you think - anatomically speaking - men would be more comfortable in skirts and women in pants?

Q7. What size were big hail stones before the game of golf was invented?

Q8. In the extreme Northern and Southern Hemisphere, where it is light for half the year and dark for the other half, does a rooster crow only once a year?

Q9. Could leap year be switched from Feb. 29 to June 31? It would give us an extra day of summer and one less day of winter. (*brilliant, why hasn't anyone answered this yet!*)

Q10. Suppose the hokey-pokey is what it's all about?