I've been away but not completely absent, I stop by once in a while to read blogs because that has become some sort of a pastime for me but I suppose I've been suffering from a serious case of bloggers block?
crap/thoughts last couple weeks...
Came out of the gym one sunny morning and discovered someone had put a fist-sized hole in my rear wind shield. Now I have no enemies that I'm aware of and I ain't nobodys baby daddy so WTF?! I thought about reporting it to the police but I simply couldn't imagine how I'd be met with anything but an "oh dear...tough luck" retort. By the way I checked with the gym, they don't have security cameras so that made the already hopeless situation even more so.
Hemorrhoids are painful...
moving on
Oh hell! How in the world does a 22 year old get hemorrhoids??! I thought it was strictly a geriatric disease or... condition? Good thing the pain only lasted a week because....do you know how many times you clench your butt crack? Did you know sometimes you clench it for absolutely no reason whatsoever? I mean you could just be readjusting your ass in your chair and *clench*. Well now I know. Everytime I stood up, sat down, squated or felt a chill, it hurt like a b!tch. But that was nothing compared to stretching my sphincter for one of those dry dumps that takes forever to crawl out of your ass (as my bad luck would have it, thats the only kind I got through this ordeal). I'm sorry if I grossed you...I've almost completely recovered thanks to warm "spitz" baths which involves sitting in a bucket of warm water... its quite relaxing, infact I highly recommend it for irritable assholes.
I hate Harry Potter and I'm glad the final book has been written and I won't have to run into any more wizards at the Barnes and Noble bookstore. Just out of curiosity I took a peek at the last page of the book and found that the annoying little
on why I hate Harry - hmm...funny thing is I loved the lord of the rings which I suppose falls into the same genre but there is...its just... It's the kids! Thats just it. if you're going to throw me into a whimsical fantasy *and plain ridiculous* land with witches and trolls and talking pictures and all that king of darkness bull-crap, you've absolutely got to make the story a lot more serious?...I mean, a lot more has to be at stake. And then as if to rub the silliness into my face, we've got three teenagers saving the day?? I opted to pass on this tripe! *no offense to the potter fans but I mean, come on*
I cleaned out my hard drive...well ok, only half of it and considering my seemingly perpetual state of sexual frustration, that means half of the best collection of pornographic scenes ever captured on film are gone, G-O-N-E, GONE! It had to be done. As crazy as this may seem, I occasionally need to store more "important" text files and pictures of clothed relatives and, you know, non sexually arousing aka relatively boring stuff like that. *the reference to clothed relatives in no way implies I'd rather see them naked...I'll gouge my eyes out first*
My dad is coming to visit and I'm a nervous wreck. This man has my mind in a choke hold. I swear it, I got my car washed, wax, serviced, vacuumed, got tires replaced and even cleaned out nooks I didn't know existed *how long do french fries last before they turn green?* . After all that, would you believe I gave it a once over and considered, if only very briefly, getting a new car on money I honestly don't have? This week, I'm cleaning out my place and I suppose I'll finally get around to making my bed because thats where the old man will be laying his head...maybe I'll end up replacing that bed altogether. You know, for a gay man, I am seriously NOT "representing".
A very "chesty" man at the gym made me realize, if I was heterosexual, I'd be totally a chest man or is it boobie man?
9 comments:
Ha great to have you back.
As a Harry Potter fan let me just say, I is gonna kick your ass boi. Nah I'm kidding, not about being a fan, but about kicking your ass, your too funny and your post was hilarious. However had I read your post before I finished the new book, then I may have sent you a mental telepathic murdering thingy and killed you for highlighin his survival at the end. Trust me those are lethal ;o)
Sorry to hear about the hoids, we've all been there, but it was very interestin readin about your shit (that is also a joke)...
Fuck, deleting porn, that's a sin. Us gays are sinful creatures though, I've been known to do do some deletin too. Hell why watch the same person get fucked or fuck, huh? But my Eurocreme collection is for keeps.
Good luck with your Dad's coming over. Better you than me, I say.
Peace out.
Its Good You r back.
And now with all this about Hemorrhoids.. I had to wikipedia that... It says that straining during bowel movements, anal sex without lubrication among many other things can be cause of Hemorrhoids...
am not going to ask that question..
At last! now i ve found some1 who doesn't like Harry porter. I just dnt understand the craze for it.
Sorry abt the hemorrhoids. I Suggest u get 'HEALER', it some tablet u put the refridgerator for hours and then insert. It works wonders,trust me,my mum gets them all the time so i know the medication(s).
Welcome back, crazy child
@SSD: LOL. Bring it on! I am soooo ready to duke it out with any and all harry potter fans for making my time spent at the local book store utterly nauseating. I thought for all of one second to put in a spoiler warning and then realised this would be my punishment to fans who hadn't read the book lol. Too bad it didn't work on you lol. After all said and done though, I'm really a NICE guy :-)
oh the hoids! I'd done with 'em.
I've watched the Godfather maybe...10 times. Why? Its that good. Same thing with some porn...sometimes a scene is so good, it has you cumming back again and again and again *wink*
@Jaja: Good! You better not ask that question lol. I'll be on you faster than whitney on crack!!
@Olu: Your poor mother, I can't imaging going through what I went through with regularity. Anyhow, thanks for the advice and for stopping by.
@Uknaija: Thank you you sexy thang!
I developed haemorrhoids (piles) when i was in my eight month of pregnancy. I didn't realise its true implication until it was time to give birth.
I know you're a dude, but i'm sure you must have heard that labour pain is one of the worst pains ever. In fact, it can almost be described as unbearable and some women actually die during childbirth cos of it.
Now imagine the contractions coming up sharply every five minutes and then every two minutes, with the pile in your arse, stretching with every contraction. It can best be described as the piles getting riper and riper with each contraction. OUCH!!! No scratch that...AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
And this is coming from someone (moi) who has a very high pain threshold!!!
P.S.
Try this cream called anusol. It shrinks haemorrhoids, although the relief is temporary; except you keep using it more frequently.
I'm through with piles (in Jesus name, Amen. *crosses fingers*)
Reading your story about pregnancy with the hoids, I cringed and clamped my crack tight. That is a horrifying ordeal. Good thing you can't have the hoids in the vagina. can you even begin to imagine? I sure as heck can't and thankfully so lol. I'm so so so sorry to hear your story though.
I didn't use any creams to get rid of it. just sat in warm water and in a couple of days, it disappeared. I heard sitting on the toilet for too long (how long is "too long" I'm not sure) can cause piles. considering I love to read and drop the deuce at the same time, I think I know exactly how I got that monster and how to keep it away from my ass. One thing at a time in the loo
I'll say a big AMEN to that dude. You don't need such searing pain. Glad you're good now.
Hugs
xxx
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