I don't mean to offend anyone and I hope this post will be taken with a grain of salt or something smaller and saltier.

This is a yarmulke.




and these are a couple of things about the yarmulke I want addressed:


1)There was a Jewish kid on the bus today wearing one with which he needed a little paper clip to secure. If I bought a hat and needed a paper clip to keep it on, there better be a healthy breeze blowing my way or I want my money back. But in the event there is a slight draught a-strirring, can yarmulk-ites do no better than paper clips? I mean come on, no one uses paper clips anymore, not even for paper. Here's my humble suggestion. Yarmulkes should be modified to have a larger circumfrence that grip the head better and maybe for extra security, a one-size-fits-all velcro strap that loops under the chin. Is that so far fetched? Is that such a revolutionary idea?


2)You see the guy in the picture? You see where he has his little hat centered, on that little cranial bulge we all have? (unless you have a flat head and then you know the almighty has truly fucked you over) Thats where all yarmulkes are worn, in that exact spot on the head. Long ago, some poor balding Jewish dude probably thought he'd escape a toupee that way and the trend caught on. Soon wearing small hats in the middle of your head became hip and fashionable and even little Jewish kids began capping their heads like this. I say it's time for a fashion makeover. It took us a while but we eventually turned the baseball cap backwards, remember? I say it's time to turn the yarmulke backwards. It would be hard to notice, but it'll look awesome.


In reference to #1, On further consideration, making the yarmulke larger would just make it a skull cap like us heathens wear, but still there is no argument against a one-size-fits-all velcro chin strap.