Thursday, March 8, 2007

To go or not to go?

So I'm thinking of entering this college gay society of sorts. there's a club in my school...I'll have to avoid using its name but it's run by students for students who are leading "alernative lifestyles" (alternative? I was never presented with a choice or an "alternative"....whatever!). I'm torn and it's not simply because I haven't come out yet, I have so few friends it hardly matters, the real problem is I feel i know what to expect and I'm afraid I won't like it.

I'm probably not obviously gay in the way homosexuals have been stereotyped to be. I don't walk with a limp wrist, don't sashay or talk with a lisp. I'm not naieve and I know that there are gay people who have some of these stereotypical behavior, which is why I feel bad about having a certain discomfort around people who take on "counter-intuitive" gender roles.

I know I probably sound very hypocritical. I want to be accepted by soceity but can't get over my differences with ways people chose to express themselves, well I'm not perfect and it'll take a while to get over my uneasiness. Maybe going to this meeting - and I suppose that would officially include me into said "alternative-lifestyle" society, will help me embrace this dimension of the gay spectrum. One of these days, I'm going to throw caution to the wind and crash that queer joint, after all as my friend Black Girl in Prague said, if for nothing else I'll be doing it for the sake of "adventure".

1 comment:

Naijadude said...

But for real, you will only be doing it for the sake of your sanity. Why dont you join them, try it, feel if you belong, then stay else you know how it is to survive in the strange yet familiar world. But the basic thing is for you to be at peace with yourself, else you cant get that so-called comfort somewhere else, it doesnt come easy, it comes within oneself, FIRST!
Goodluck buddy!!