I'm in an irritable mood.
Reason?
A) 2 traffic tickets: one for a dead head-light ($54.00), the other for not having a valid insurance card (court appearance required).
B) The cop who stopped me showered my face in spit. It came like a fucking deluge with every sentence. I hate him. I hope he dies...in great pain...with green pus oozing out of his urethra...and I hope vultures pluck his testicles out...and feed it to their young...and I also wish him many other horrid things which I cannot name right now but will dream about, in glorious gory detail, tonight.
C) I'm coming down with a sore throat. I get these every year, always at the start of winter. Sore throats suck. They really suck...a lot.
D) Some woman just asked me for directions to the restroom. I knew where it was but I said I didn't.
Why?
Because I'm in an irritable mood and when I'm in an irritable mood, I hate giving out directions to people who want to take a leak in a "restroom".
What the fuck is it with people asking to use the "restroom" like they're going to take a nap in there. NO! You, my dear lady, will not be resting in the restroom. You will be using a toilet. So why don't you ask for the fucking TOILETS! And that goes for all you "bathroom" users too. There are no bathrooms in public places. You're not going in there to take a bath, you're going in to use the fucking TOILET. Ugh, I'm so irritated.
I know you'll say there's nothing wrong with using the word "restroom" because in so and so dictionary, "restrooms" are well defined, perfectly usable modern words. And you'll say, "well, even Noah fucking Webster said so". To bloody hell with Noah fucking Webster. I'm sick of people saying they're going to use the "restroom" or "bathrooms" as though if they said toilet, I may think they're going to take a shit and pass out in a laughing fit. What the fuck. We all shit. We piss first and then settle in for a nice shit. Thats what humans do; we fuck, eat and shit. Damn I'm SO IRRITATED.
And get this, the other day, some girl at work was telling me about some party she'd attended over the weekend. She got to the interesting part and this is how it began: "... and I walked into the bedroom and omigosh, there was a...oh dear, I don't know how to say this,...it was...you know...a... oh dear...how do I say this...ok, I'm going to spell it out for you...OK? OK, here it is...I walked into the bedroom and there was a....D-I-L-D-O".
What the hell! She spelled it out and turned pink afterwards. I wished I could've pulled out a giant phallus and smacked her silly with it for wasting my life like that. With all that build up, I thought there was something even grander in the damn bedroom, like a midget getting beat down by another midget with a gigantic dildo. Now that's a fitting crescendo.
I'm stopping. I'm damn irritated and I think it's starting to show.
PS: Today's word is "soignee" pronounced (swan YAY). It's ESOTERIC and sounds pretentious so I guess I'll have to use it. It means fashionable or elegantly sophisticated and well-groomed. I'm certainly not soignee, I need a haircut badly and Britney Spears is not soignee either, she needs hair badly. Hmm...Is Paris Hilton soignee? What about Hillary? She's got the "elegantly sophisticated" down but I'm not so sure about the "fashionable" bit.
PSS: see how I worked in "esoteric" in that last graph. Ain't I smart?
7 comments:
Awww it be aight dude. We all get like this sometimes. All that is enough to get anyone REALLY irritated. You'd be good soon.
Interestingly, i'm kinda soignee outwardly. People's first impression of me from afar is usually always a mixture of awe and maybe silent appraisal...until they discover that i'm soooo approachable. So i guess i'm esoteric (mysterious) in that sense...*wink*
Hehehe no try me with another big grammar oh, i'm too much.
Most people who are irritated tend to irritate other ppl, but this post is super-eloquent. I m laughing so hard.
I m going tell a melancholic friend of mine about your blog when I resume school in Jan. I think your humour is just what she needs.
Sorry about the tickets, $54 is a lot of money.
You really are too much those words really sound like big grammar but I won't be using anytime soon cos half the people I know won't know the meaning. Talk about being mediocre.
Holden from J.D Salinger's "Catcher in the Rye" quickly comes to mind.
Deliciously bleak, angry...
Cool temper small abeg my brother..
I m down with a cold and malaria myself.. poor weather they say...
Soignee... I will have to use it in a sentence soon... even if it doesnt follow... My friends who are already weary of such words will easily find ropes and hang themselves in sheer exasperation at such a word...
How u dey?
@callyWaff: Thanks for understanding my madness. I was a bit miffed at the whole ticket situation more so than the restroom user and my sore throat. Oh well, i'm still pissed about, thats all I can say.
Oh yea sister, work out the grammar lol. I love it.
@olu: Thanks for being sorry for me but being sorry is such a pitiful state isn't it? Just send me $54 bucks and you won't be sorry no more lol. I kid.
Big words only serve small egos like mine. When people use big words - and use them properly - I'm just in awe most times. I think I blogged about that a while back.
Anyway, I'm so using these words lol. I like to sound edumacated. It's manna for my ego.
@Jaja: Holden is very right. I'm just pissed at the world these days, all I want to do is play in a rye field and catch kids falling off a cliff. Thats me, the life of am unambitious man-child simpleton who's angry at the world.
Too bad about the malaria thing. I use to get it every year around this time. Take care of yourself though and drink lots of water (don't ask me why, my Ma said that all the fuckin time)
HAHAHAHA
[SSD IS LAUGHING SO HARD HE HAS TEARS IN HIS EYES]
That was a great post.
I wished I could've pulled out a giant phallus and smacked her silly with it for wasting my life like that.
HAHAHA fucking hell HAHAHA
PS - are you saying you don't have giant phallus then? You coulda hit her with a small one then ;o)
Take a deeeep breath! Feel better? Good, you may continue
@SSD: Ohh I read this post again and I swear it made me angrier. I so don't see comedy but you know, whatever lol.
Yea, I don't have a giant penis, I have a regular one and smacking that virginal wuss with it would be too good for her.
UK: *breaths in*.....*lets it out*
Thanks. that was good!
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