I'm starting a new series of posts called "Things That Bug Me". Everyday when I walk out of the door of my living quarters, I find a host of little thing that just irk me. An example is Mr. K who lives right accross the street from me.
Mr. K is a good neighbor; He's friendly, helpful, considerate (a rarity where I live) and really an all-around good guy. But what gets me, what really bites about Mr. K is this: every morning, right when I'm in my PJ's eating my bowl of Honey-nut Cheerios, Mr. K is out in his little garden of eden, doing garden work. It's like a morning ritual. Today he's mulching, tomorrow he's got new shrubs linning his drive-way, the next day he's got a cute little hand-shovel digging away at roots and picking at dead leaves.
It's not the niose that annoys me, truth is, he hardly makes any. What really gets around to my scrotum and plucks the hairs off it is just the predictability of it. Every morning it's the same thing over and over and over. He's got the best front yard on the block, worthy of the gardens of Versailles... Heck forget the block, I'll bet my beat-up '96 Saturn that he's got the best looking yard in the entire community....and just so you know I'm not fucking around, I'll throw in 6 months insurance for that Saturn and this new squeegee-bucket combo I got at Home Depot the other day. Walmart had the same thing for twice the price but I'm smart, I shop around so you'll be getting good bang for your bet.
I know it's such a small thing to get pissed about and I know you probably think I'm jealous or something and maybe I am just a little bit jealous, but I mean come on. He's even got small twinkling lights all around the perfectly sculpted evergreen midget tree on his lawn. That's just the ultimate in douche-baggery. WTF! You know what I really think it is? He's just trying to make the rest of us look bad. The rest of block may not know what his plans are but I bet they're diabolical. He's like Martha Stewart, you just know she's a bitch behind the scenes, you just know it. It's a gut feeling and I'm all about gut feelings. I know one day he's going to call up some T.V. show that awards America's most perfect front yard and they're going to turn up with cameras and everything to show America our shoddy street. They'll say goddamit, this is a shit-hole but wait, over there, number 23, now that's a diamond amongst the fucking rough and he'll win a million dollars to buy more cute little shrubs and perfect gardenia's and snapdragons and fucking delphimiums. Ugh, I hate him.
Anyways, that's what I'm starting, a new series of posts about things like: Mr. K's perfect garden and his garden habits, that really sting my balls. If you have little things that annoy you, I'd like to know about them in the comments. You don't have to have a completely rational reason to explain why they annoy you, just the plain fact that such and such pisses you off, is good enough. If you want to blog about it instead, put a link to your blog in the comments. Could be fun ya know.
Word Of the Day: Misandrist (miss AND rist)
You've heard of mysogynist, well, here's the other side of the coin. A misandrist is a man-hater.
I know I'm not a misandrist because I love men in everyway love can be manifested. Yup!
8 comments:
My younger brothers snoring is getting the fuck on my nerves. I just hope I don't strangle him to death soon.
Misandrist?! What can I say? I m the opposite.
Make Jealousy no kill you oo.. you this boy.
Mind your business. Leave the man alone.
As per what is bugging me: Apart from present state of financial quagmire( The F.G is mad to be paying Corp members such meagre allowance) It would be my neighbours generator. Once there s been a power cut, this enormous Lister Perkins generator comes to life. Just beneath my bedroom window.
I make do with the living room couch. I pray for Power to return or for the gen. to break down permananetly.
I hear If I could put some salt in the fuel tank it wld do this irreparable damage for me. But I keep forgetting when Power returns...
Harmattan dust.
Misandrist? should it, and its other equivalents be listed as mental illnesses? How can u hate men, or women or trees?
Something must have gone rotten in such a persons head.
P.S.. My bros whats up for this christmas now..? Merry Christmas. You should come around to PH one of these days and let me know... abi na Opobo u wan' go straight up??? :)
@ spook e: I hope you had a lovely xmas. I wish you a prosperous new year in advance.
@ jaja: Shoo where you find open cyber cafe for Calabar on Christmas day? Abi didn't you travel again? Neways hope you enjoyed your Christmas. Happy New Year in advance as well.
baby boy, i thought you were a lil more sane than that! that man's garden may be his creative outlet. it's beautiful that he's able to nurture living things with such meticulous dedication. it may very well be his only fulfilling source of expression.
@cally: I'm not letting him be, that sonovabitch. I hope those new shrubs shrivel up ...hmmm... but that'll just give him more to do. You should see it though lol. It's hard to ignore, I try so hard, but it's just....THERE!
Tantrums. That's why I'm riding this homo thing out lol.
Season Greetings.
@olu: LOL. My dad had...has, the worst store ever. It's just the most dreadful sound. I sympathize my friend.
Season Greetings.
@Jaja: I lived in GRA PH. and every house had a monstrous generator that quaked the entire neighborhood. Well, years later, my dad got a monstrosity of his own and to be honest, once we joined the noise polluters, the sound wasn't half bad anymore. Actually, it was quite pleasant lol. Tis the sound of POWER my friend lol.
Sorry man, just one of those things ain't it lol.
An ummm, if you do go through on your plans of vandalism, make sure you don't attack Perekule str. in GRA. That's all I'm saying.
I'm spending xmas here. I'm not so sure when I'll be in Nigeria again.
Season Greetings though.
@Omar: What can I say, I'm easy to peeve lol.
Season Greetings big daddy. hehe
Leave the man to be.. we have have peeves.. you more so than the rest of us.
It's a New Year.. nothing is buggin me yet. I give it another 2 days and then I'll have a list of stuff ;o)
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