My 12 year old cousin came to me yesterday with a sullen almost mournful expression on her face. I was certain something serious was up because she usually greets me like she expects Beyonce to come in right after me, all shrieks and giggles and little in the way of coherent speech and absolutely no self-restraint. One time I got a shoe to my face because on seeing me, she did a high kick that sent her shoe flying across the room, zinging my poor little head, knocking the structure right out of my legs. She's tempered her enthusiasm since then but that only means she's bouncing off the walls now and not the ceiling too. So I took my dearly down-trodden over to the kitchen counter, poured her a glass of ginger ale and asked her to come out with it.
I think my mom watches pornos
What?
I found some porno tapes in my moms drawer
Now, I like to play the big brother. I like to think I can play him well because I've managed to condense all the rules to being a capable adult into one easy-to-master maxim: "above all else, keep your cool" but it only takes a problem, so at peace with its own absurdity to make keeping one's head seem as ridiculous as sipping nails through a straw. I wanted to burst out laughing and I would have if she wasn't taking it so hard. Instead, after silently counting to ten just to keep a straight face, I came up with this deeply discerning jewel of a question:
OK. When did you find it?
Yesterday. I was just looking for where she hid my candy canes - the ones I got for Christmas. I was just looking for them in the drawer because she always hides stuff in there. Can you believe my mom watches them?
I couldn't. I didn't want to. I pictured my aunt inclined in her lazy-boy at night - her blinds drawn, the door, bolted, watching a dirty blond get gang-banged by yards and yards of the hard stuff; the volume turned down to a low whisper and her thighs viced on each other, squeezing out pure ecstasy. It was all too much for me and apparently, for my little cousin too. But even as I found this picture of my aunt somewhat disturbing, the novelty of having a porn-watching (maybe even addicted?) aunt gave the whole affair a tang of coolness. What other secrets lurked behind her closed doors and hidden in her drawers? Whips and chains and leather masks? Blow-up dolls and chain-metal sex slings? The possibilities were endless...but explorable and I figured I'd take my sweet time going over every one of them, but now was for my cousin. What to say?... What to say? ...
Did you watch them?
umm...maybe
She drew out the 'maybe' like a question and I just about saw her innocence buy a one-way ticket back to the pearly gates on the heavenly express, never to return. I felt as though she'd been despoiled, her starry-eyes, dimmed, by her mother no less and yet my emotions -vague but hot, were for the moment directed at her
WHY DID YOU WATCH IT?
curiosity... maybe (again, sounding like a question) I didn't see the whole thing though
Yea, but you saw enough to know it was porn and you kept on watching?
An assumption I'd made up completely out of the blue.
What is it with you kids and your curious eyes? Don't you know enough to leave your mothers things alone?
My voice beginning to rise...
Look, I don't know why that tape was there, maybe it belonged to someone else but it's HER business, it's her goddamn business and I'm pretty sure she'll appreciate you staying out of it. You understand me?
Why are you yelling? She screamed back at me in the audacity only kids born and raised in America can conjure.
Because you should know better.
And with that said, she got up, walked out of the apartment and slammed the door shut behind her. I was dumb struck - what the fuck did she do that for?
It was only this morning after I'd slept off the shock and anger of the night before did I begin to feel the guilt that I had coming to me. Why did I blow up like that? Why was it directed at her instead of her careless mother? I also kept wandering what the right response would've been had I acted rationally. I discovered porn at about the same age so maybe I was overreacting. Maybe we should have laughed it off over Ginger Ale and some cookies but it's so hard to picture talking to her about sex or pornography, icky stuff. It was all too confusing.
I prayed this morning...
Thank heavens for little girls...not so much the bigger ones.
I like being big brother but I'm really making things up as I go along. The more she grows, the more she catches up to me and it takes me - old man that I am , a little while to notice this and adjust accordingly.
We spoke on the phone this afternoon and I apologized for last night. I think she loves me again. The porno talk, that's hopefully on the back burner...for now.
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8 comments:
You harsh o. The poor girl must have been traumatized.
It's would be easier to handle, I think, if it were her dad's.
But parent must learn to be responsible. They must learn to hide their porn properly! (best advice I can afford at the moment) :)
wetin dey work you sef? I dey check my box for invite steady... abi the thing dey enter bulk mail? :)
It's would be easier to handle, I think, if it were her dad's.
Why?
hehe jaja, there is practically nothing in the other blog. It's still under construction so chillax (is that dated? I hope not lol)
I would have looked for a way to watch the flick if I were you then play the "big-brother" afterwards. I am terrible like that. lol
PS: I have 87 porn CD's all bought at present.lol
Of course its easier to deal with our dads being deviant than our mums..
Well it would be for me. Society has sort of made it so.
And am not even saying having Porn in your drawer is deviant. Hurry up with the Construction jare!
@Olu: you dirty, dirty boy.
87 porn CD's not to mention the ones you have on your hard drive riiiight?? hehe.
@Jaja: My God, if I found porn in my Dads possession, I'd just about die. I know it's unfair but I'm still his son and I expect him to be exemplary.
At 12.. she isn't likely to be completely naive.. there goes her ever being honest and open with you ever again.
Bad man.
I found my parents porn when I was younger. Very S&M.. would never have imagined them watching something like that.. all I remember is the tight black leather suits, a cane and this gezzer with the smallest penis I've ever seen.
Spook e, theres nothing unexemplary about porn. A person who hasn't at some point found some voyeuristic pleasure in porn, is the exception rather than the norm. What did I do when I found some sex toys in my dad's bag that had just arrived with him on his return from a trip to Europe? Absolutely nothing! I didn't even tell my brother with whom I was always close, and I must have been about 13 years old at the time...I think somehow I kind of understood that we're all entitled to be a little naughty sometimes, and your little cousin too fell into the same naughty trap when she looked at the video. Her apparent upset seems to me like she trying to deal with her own guilt..
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